In the spectrum of people who are labeled as “vanilla” your wife is actually “open-minded.” Meaning: if you talk about your wife as vanilla, and that has become your prime construct for describing her sexually, then I would say you should start watching the way that your language tries to capture your experience, but instead limits possibilities for change. They are under the influence of the stories they tell themselves. And because most couples don’t have the tools to speak openly and effectively about sex. Because language shapes the experiences we have. I hear you, and I always pay attention to the language that we use when describing our predicaments. How can I move us in a non-vanilla direction? When it comes to sex, I’m worried I married the wrong woman. I’ve been with plenty of women before her (she’s been around too) and I look back on those sexual relationships with longing. It’s like she’s just doing it to please me, which makes me feel one, awful, and two, bored. And the bigger problem is she doesn’t think that she’s vanilla! She thinks she is open-minded! Sometimes I try to nudge her in a different direction, say “let’s try this” or something similar, and she doesn’t say “no” all the time, but I can tell she’s just not into it. But she does not like things like sperm, or anal, and generally makes that “ew, icky” face whenever bodily fluids are involved. She likes sex, initiates even sometimes, and has no problem having an orgasm, especially when she’s on top.
Because every man wants to have better sex, even if that means actually committing to a relationship, we’re proud to present Ask Esther Perel, a monthly series in which critically acclaimed sex therapist Esther Perel answers your questions about sex and relationships and helps you and your partner have a more fulfilling life, together.
0 kommentar(er)
